you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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