I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
