Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
this boner is exhausting
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
