I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
