so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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