Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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