My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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