so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
