Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
