Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just gargled with NyQuil
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize