I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
