Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
