Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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