I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
