there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
