Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
