dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
