Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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