Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
