yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
