What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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