you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
