you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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