You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
