Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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