sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
