We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize