Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
