He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
