proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
