when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
