Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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