Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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