sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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