yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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