Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
