I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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