So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
