When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
