sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
