There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
