I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
