Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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