i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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