Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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