I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I need moral support for this bender
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
