I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
