someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish you could order shots online.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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