i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
