your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
