your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
