i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm really busy with my period
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