don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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