i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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