they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
