I hate your face
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
