is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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