y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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