I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
