I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
