We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
