That's intense
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
