Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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