this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
