She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
