I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
