i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
