Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
