i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
