New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Houston, we have a squirter
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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