ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
