Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize