Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
