He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
