I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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