There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
