a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
